River Constantine

Nearly every Friday night, I come home after vespers exhausted, drained from the week. I take a shower, light some candles, turn on some Jars of Clay, and write in my journal.

Tonight, the lyrics from one of their songs caught my attention.

"Carry me, Your love is wider than my need could ever be
Come to me, and I will walk along Your shore
Feel Your crashing waves sing in time with the music of my heart ...

River deep, could I know You as well as You know me?"

Every day, I teach a religion class. I pray at the beginning, for the ability to develop English skills and to learn about the Bible. I pray at the end to bring us back safely again the next day. Every day, I go to Kinderest and I teach screaming, snotting, silly children and I try to love them. Every Friday after vespers, when I don't think I can possibly give any more, I lead a small discussion group and I correct English and we talk about God. And, through all of this, I try to be a good teacher, a good Christian, a good friend. And most of the time, I feel I fail miserably. I am tired all the time. I am sick most of the time. I don't have enough smiles or enough time or enough energy to do everything I feel I should. Still, I try.

There are so many things I think I need. An extra hour (or three) of sleep, breakfast burritos, time to watch TV and relax, someone to talk to after I've had what feels like the longest day of my life. My needs feel so monumental at each and every moment, and yet, God says His love is wider and deeper and grander and more complete than my need could ever be. This is beyond my comprehension.

~~Christina